Doing my best to keep austin weird!

Step One - Shave Christmas Tree Beard:



Step Two - Attempt to bleach hair. Fail.



Apply Green Dye:




Wait 30 minutes....

Why I hate Houston, TX

 You are doomed to loop this infernal ring of fire in traffic forever.

 
 

 
 

How to be totally emasculated by your doctor in three easy steps

1) Enjoy oral sex in the morning
2) Eat oversized sandwich and break your already sore frenulum linguae
3) Go to doctor's and get instructed on sensitive parts of the female anatomy.


Basically, the lack of postings is due to a new girlfriend. Had a little bit of an overactive morning and as I told my doctor, "I tried to stick my tongue out too far"

Somehow he decided it was time to teach me which bits are the fun ones. How embarrassing. In related news, the frenulum is making a complete recovery.

Only at my apartment can spinning luggage on your head be a sport.

Go figure.

We do weird shit in the name of competition.

I think I saw Harvey, a 6 foot white rabbit last night

And he was dancing to Metallica.

Downs Syndrome and the Water Tank

Dress up nice son, I'm taking you OUT tonight.

Sweatpants. Wow.

Watching pool, listening to karaoke, and dancing with the waitress, mashing chicken fingers into your maw, followed by shitting your pants in public.

Daddy's little disappointment.

What? You don't like PUSSY?

I got yelled at for not fucking someone. Unreal. It's guys night, sat night, we are all out, drinking, laughing, and generally being uproarious and this girl comes over and says she is curious why all of us are out, and nobody is talking to any women. So I decided to explain that we were all gay. It seemed like an easier thing to do than explain that 3 out of the 4 of us are recently single and bitter about women, and we go to dive bars because there is not a risk of female drama. but oh no, not tonight. So she takes the "gay" response, and goes back to her gf and her gf's husband. I see her watching us all and shit, and eventually she comes back over.


Now, allow me to paint the picture. Dive bar. Me not drinking. Her drinking plenty (as are all my friends) 11pm, guys night out.

She asks again, "really? you guys are all gay?" now the guys hear it and begin to protest.. "whoa, wait, im engaged!" the sole who isnt bitter rings out...

Needless to say, she leaves the bar.. her friends stay behind.. and then, unexpectedly, her female friend came up to us and asked if we were gay.

"Of course not."
"Well, you know you just passed up on getting laid, right?"
"Wait, WHAT?"
"my friend was hitting on you."
"yea, I gathered. I told her I was gay"
"why?"
"seemed easier than the truth"
"which is?"
"I don't come to a bar like this to meet women."
"why not, you don't like PUSSY?"



Then all the guys started to join in on this party, and eventually her man/husband/friend came over and asked if we were gay. Oh HELL no we aren't dude... We just werent fucking intested.

"Oh"

"I won't come out tonight unless theres gonna be cake"

Fine. Be that way.



The story tied to this was brilliant. We told everyone it was his 25th birthday. We had an 80 year old couple sing happy birthday for karaoke for him. Then the old guy came over, saw the cake, and said.. "Faggot, is that your last name?" and then hugged Marco and said, "I'm just kidding, happy birthday, faggot"

Bwahahaha

My HR lady thinks I should write comedy.

Is this a commentary on my IT skills at all? Should I be flattered and funny, or pissed and bitter?